I am Forever Grateful

I will start this and every day with a grateful and thankful heart. A family member asked me for money today, an insignificant amount. But this sent me on a path of reminiscing. While growing up we had the bare minimum. There was my mother, sister, and myself.

Although my mother never worked and received aid for most of her adult life, she made sure to provide a place to lay our heads, heat, and water.

I didn't think like most other adolescents and young adults and never blamed her for what she didn't provide. We had many hungry days, and I won't expound at this time, but I lived this.

Not Without Empathy

For most of my grammar school years I was fortunate if I had two outfits to wear during the entire year. By God's grace I had the mentality that instead of holding others liable for my circumstances, I had the mindset that to get the things in life that I wanted and needed, that I had to get a job.

So, when she asked me, as she often does, I went into my past. I never had anyone other than my grandparents who would let me borrow $20 here and there and never more than $50 and I always paid it back and they decided whether to accept it or not.

Moreover, I had been homeless with my oldest child (who was barely 3 years old at the time) and another relative for over a year and a half, and no family would allow us to stay and if they did it was never for too long because people put on facades and do not want you to see what is really going on behind closed doors and rather than be exposed, they will ask or tell you to leave.

Lack of Sympathy

People, mostly strangers, will ask you your whole life's story under the guise of wanting to help with a demented mentality, only to be able to say within themselves, "well at least I am doing better than you". In reality, they were not. Spiritually lacking and carnal.

Even when I got married, I bore the financial responsibility and whatever was needed. It was God who provided for me. He always gave me the discernment, as my ultimate Source, to find the resources needed to see us through. I had no one ever in life, which is why I know that if it had not been for Him, I would never have made it. I know where my blessings come from. it is why I cried when the Spirit spoke to me, and He told me, "I have been with you from the beginning".

It made me realize that it is a selfish and ungrateful person who will nickel and dime someone, just because. Particularly, while just being reckless with their own finances. It is an entitled mindset, with a capability of leading to mental health disorders including self-obsession and self-centeredness.

Do Unto Others

The real problem with this is that there are spiritual laws in place and one of them is that you will reap what you sow. People who misuse others never stop to realize why they are on the receiving end of the same maltreatment. They abuse those closest to them who only want to love them and allow those who care nothing for them to mistreat them. It is a viscous cycle.

I have warned her of this before and she is very astute. But like someone who lacks spiritual maturity, she will apologize and...

As I texted her, I told her that she is not coming from a place of love because when you care for someone, and they tell you that you are offending them and crossing a line, yet you still repeat the behavior, then you have a blatant disregard for them.

Even more so, it shows that you yourself are lacking in self-love. Meaning that this is becoming a problem for me and you. But it is up to me to set my boundaries. I love her but she and others will be the ones who say, it was because you did this or didn't do that that we were lacking. Willingly deceived, or a great attempt at exploitation.

Similarly, I am not perfect, but I refuse to be controlled any longer by manipulation and witchcraft. As Tamar Braxton used to say, "Get your life!!!"

Originally written January 11, 2022.

Benevolent Woman