Benevolent Woman's Blog

The Reckoning of Self

Sleep escapes me. Whenever this happens it is the Holy Spirit.

It is something or someone that He wants me to focus on. Something that He wants to impart to my spirit.

I have been watching a documentary for the last three days, "Making a Murderer." This series was heart wrenching on so many levels, but the callousness, the treachery, deceit, and manipulation (none of which surprises me) had my spirt in turmoil.

More so saddened at the state of man, I also felt a righteous indignation.

What is the Spirit trying to get me to realize?

I could not understand how the truth can be right there and be overlooked. Consequently, I do realize is that even though we wrestle against principalities, evil spirits, and the rulers of this world. That it will not absolve us as humans of the responsibility of living a righteous, holy life.

Therefore, I began to question my own discernment and I started to wonder why I didn't see how my children were being manipulated and the maltreatment that they suffered during "the marriage".

Moreover, I became starkly aware that I could not see it because of my own selfishness. The real culprit was "self-pity". Perceiving why God is against this.

I was so focused on what was being done to me. How the pain and suffering, and the different levels of abuse were affecting me. That I couldn't see what it was doing to my own children.

Consequently, I have no choice but to blame myself because I have a gift of intense discernment. There is no way that I should not have known.

To be aware of what is true, you have to put away self-centeredness. This is also true so that you may be able to see through the distractions that are purposely used to keep us bound.

When I am writing I do not like to be redundant, so I decided to look up the synonyms for self-pity. The results: selfishness, self-loathing, self-disgust, self-hate, narcissism, and egotism.

The truth hurts

The truth hurts!!! One of my favorite phrases. Particularly when it is directed at others.

Conversely, the disdain that I have for people who refuse to see the truth is directly impacted by my own refusal to do so. This is profound. It is also why sincere; self-reflection is necessary to maintain clarity and the closeness of the Holy Spirit.

This led me to look up the synonyms of self-reflection. The results: self-analysis, critical thinking, reflexivity, self-awareness, self-observation, and self-development.

I thought about how so many people will appease us by saying, "It's okay. You just didn't know!"

But in actuality and for the circumstances and situations relevant to this, it is on you to ask yourself, "Why didn't I know?"

Originally written on February 14, 2022.

Benevolent Woman

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